it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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