I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
