my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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