when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
