Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
