I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
