She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
