if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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