I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
