His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
