My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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