They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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