I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
