I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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