why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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