The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
