I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
