The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
