In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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