so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
