please come you make the beer taste better
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
