i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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