So drunk its hurt
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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