why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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