i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
