My hand turned me down
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
