I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
