after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
