Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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