Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
