Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
