his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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