just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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