i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
