Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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