I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
