If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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