She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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