Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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