omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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