He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize