I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
