I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you never un-have a 4some
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Someone signed my nipple.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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