Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
