The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
