Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
