I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
