with your own penis?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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