i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
