ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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