Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize