I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize