woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
