did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
