you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
