Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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