Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
