i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
