the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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