so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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