and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
