I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
