Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
