Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
