Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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