She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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