Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
