Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize