spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
