Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
