Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I need moral support for this bender
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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