He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love you.
Bad choice
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