I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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