why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
