miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
