I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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