i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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