There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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