i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will pee on everything he values.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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