I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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