When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
