Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
