Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize