no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
