I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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