meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
