Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
