So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
