So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
