I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
