its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
