Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
