just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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