Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
