I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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