Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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