CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
