some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
