No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
