Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize