I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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